I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there was a trapeze. enough said
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
