put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
