Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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