Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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