I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
