he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
