No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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