i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
