Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
