please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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