These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
