I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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