hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
