Apparently you make a good broom.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
