My room smells like vodka and shame
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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