If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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