When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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