When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
