Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
