hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
