Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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