Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am spending my child support on dildos
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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