I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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