I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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