Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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