Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
