if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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