So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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