hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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