We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
