no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
