Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
