I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
