Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
