Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
