And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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