My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
