best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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