loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
