when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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