I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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