I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
