Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
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I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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