I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
