There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
