Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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