He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The uberlube is also flammable
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
