I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
