I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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