for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
