i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
