Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
