Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
