i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize