Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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