She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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