I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
