the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
