i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
