I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is Oprah even human
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
