I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
