my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
