Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
