STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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