wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
