Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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