if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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