I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
