U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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