Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
