I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
