I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
